I Can See Your Heart

Needless to say, I have been extremely stressed since Tuesday because Benjamin has been sick. I know it's just a stomach virus, and everybody gets stomach viruses but I don't handle things as well as most people. I have anxiety and little things get me stressed out when I should just take them in stride. I just don't deal with adversity very well and especially if it has anything to do with my children or my children being sick. I hate this about me and I am trying to work on it. Jacob has felt my stress as well and I feel extremely guilty for displaying my emotions so much that he feels it too.

Anyway, Benjamin had another vomiting episode this evening and has been crying ever since. I thought we were out of the woods and on our way to complete recovery, but guess not. He has been crying non stop and asking for foods like pizza. I am very stressed and my insides are just shaking. At times I find myself snapping at Jacob for no reason and I feel bad for that. Jacob has also had to take a backseat since Benji has been sick, which has been almost all week. Jacob has coped well with the situation at hand and has been nothing but cooperative and helpful to me. He is such a sweetheart. I have always said that he was born with a servant's heart. He is always so willing to lend a helping hand anywhere he can, and anywhere he can't. He offers to do things that he couldn't possibly do at his age. So sweet. Anyway, I digress. Back to my story. Keith always gives the boys their baths and then we each pick a kid to dress for bed... but tonight was different. Keith solely dealt with Benji tonight so I wouldn't have to deal with him because he could tell that I was falling apart because Benji was non stop crying (all through his bath too), and when he got Benji out of the tub, he asked me to bathe Jacob while he dressed Benji. I was more than happy to bathe Jacob because it would give me some one-on-one quality time with him that I have not been able to do much at all lately. While I was bathing Jacob I told him how much I loved him and that I was sorry that I hadn't got to spend much time with him this week because Benji was so sick and I thanked him for being so understanding and patient. His response was: "It's okay Mommy, I will help you with anything you want. I will do laundry and the dishes for you". My eyes welled up with huge tears and I said "Jacob I love your heart; it is so beautiful" and he said laughing "you can't see my heart" and I said "oh but I can my dear child" as tears rolled down my face.